REBIRTH

Rebirth is the most magical feeling, of anything I have ever felt. Rebirth doesn't come when you tell people how you've changed, or what you're going to do to become better. Rebirth comes from how you act when you are alone, when no one is watching. How can we become a better version of ourselves when we are asking other people to direct it?For the ones that wonder what I mean about rebirth, this blog isn't for you.

To some, they would think my "rebirth," came when I accepted Jesus into my heart. I used to think that. Others would think it happened after I had my child, I used to think that, too. But no, rebirth didn't come from something amazing, it came from hell. I was at my deepest and darkest time, all my past mistakes were surrounding me, while the crowd was chanting for my death, and the enemy I was facing was my ultimate, biggest fear: myself.

I knew my weaknesses, all my pain, the things people have done, heart break times a million. I knew exactly what it took to end the battle. It was literally a choice; give up, accept the ultimate weakness or fucking fight. Not just fight to breathe, but to be alive, to really live. To be the best version of myself, so that my daughter has a foundation to build off of, so that my one day husband has a stable rock as his partner instead of a tiny grain of sand. And that was it. I made my choice.

I was reborn, I can't tell you the time or the day, but I can tell you I just started making better choices. If a negative choice came up in my head, I altered it with a positive one. Same went for when people hurt me, I allowed it to draw a line, help me see what I do and what I don't want, what I will and will not accept.

My rule now, if anything is blocking me from my best life, a good mindset and providing what is best for my family, then I am out. That's all relationships.

I get it, trust me, life can be tough! But we have become so accustomed to mentally running away when shit gets hard, we become content with our mundane lives and turn around and complain about it, without lifting a finger to make a change. What's even worse, if you think about it, a lot of us are running away to stuff that will hold us back even more. Like alcohol or over eating for example. Isn't that crazy? When you mentally can't or don't want to deal with something, you drink alcohol or eat something shitty to try to get your mind off of it. And you will mentally feel it the next day. You're physically fucking up your body so you can take a "mental break," for a bit.

Once I realized that my "coping mechanisms," were more of a fucking cock block, I began turning to the more positive avenues, like the gym. Dealing with anything that hurts me or stresses me out, I put it away until gym time. Once I walk through those doors, I allow all of those thoughts and feelings to come back in. In return, while I am building up my body, I am also rebuilding my mind. I am beating down those negative thoughts and trying to come up with a more positive outcome. Have I fallen back since my rebirth? Absofuckinglutely. I make mistakes constantly, and I am not really known for following through, however, this time... It is just different. I understand myself now, I have "hacked myself," if you will.

I encourage you, if you are wanting to change, to rebrand, to be reborn into a better version of you, you can! There is no secret pill or tip, you need the determination! Remember YOU are in charge, you're not the audience, you're the fucking DIRECTOR! Act like it! Own your life. Own who you are and what you stand for. If you don't like it, then make a change into exactly who you will like!

Today's Random Thoughts